Tips for Making Phone Calls to Parents
The actual call can be scary; you never know what you’re gonna get.
So, you’ve overcome your internal objections. You’ve adjusted your frame of mind and you’ve planned our call. (read part 1 of this blog if you haven’t yet taken these steps!!) It’s time to pick up the phone.
It could be great! It could be terrible! Something completely unpredictable could happen, like when this poor teacher visited her student’s home in an attempt to help her student:
OR this terrifying parent encounter from Mr. D.
Just like these wacky (and fictional) in-person exchanges, you never know what’s waiting for you on the other end of that phone line. Even so, you have agency to influence the direction and tone of the call. Here are some principles to help, along with a sample script.
Start by quickly introducing yourself and ask to talk to the student's parent.
“Hi, this is Lisa Bartels from XYZ School. Can I speak with Billy’s parent, please?
If you can determine it, refer to the parent as Mr. / Ms. Last Name.
This is more important in some subcultures than in others, so I find it’s best to err on the side of being too formal - particularly in what could be an emotionally charged situation. Using their last name conveys respect and equal footing to the parent. I’ve also done some reading where parents feel teachers are using a ‘power play’ when using the parents’ first names. I certainly don’t feel superior to my students’ parents, so I don’t want to ever inadvertently convey such a thing to the most important adult in my students’ lives.
Be sure it’s a good time for the parent.
“Thanks for taking my call. I wanted to talk with you about some issues that have come up in French class. Is this a good time to talk?”
Usually parents will say ‘yes’, but if they say no you can ask,“Is it OK if I follow up with an e-mail about what happened in class today?” You don’t have to be ‘on call’ and completely at others’ convenience, but it’s polite to recognize that parents have schedules too.
Be objective and focus on behaviors (not attitudes).
I’m concerned with some behaviors I’ve seen from Billy in French class. He’s been frequently distracted and off task. Four different times in class today, he shouted across tables during instruction which is against our classroom rules. I also found him playing computer games when he was supposed to be doing an assignment.”
“Always listen non-defensively, answer the parent’s questions, and be open to something you haven’t thought of.”
Don’t mention attitude. The child may well have a bad attitude, but this is hard to address. Instead, think about how you know the child’s attitude is bad. Did they sigh and roll their eyes when given instructions? Refuse to complete assignments? Make impolite comments when addressed? Stick to behaviors in your discussion.
Let go of (or at least don’t mention) any personal insult you may feel. Telling the parent, “I worked really hard to prepare that lesson and I was offended when your child wouldn’t participate” is setting up an unproductive interpersonal conflict. Instead, tell the parent, “Jasmine had 15 minutes to complete the classroom activity, but she turned in her worksheet almost blank, and of course that’s hurting her grade.”
The key is to be specific about the behavior you want but aren’t seeing. This is actionable. Fixing a teenager’s attitude or broad generalities about behavior are not.
Express care for the student’s learning (and also for other students, if applicable)
“I’m really concerned because I know Billy is smart and very capable. But, this behavior is interfering with his learning, and it’s also disruptive to other students in the class.”
Specifically ask the parent for input.
Some questions I like to use are,
Have you seen this type of behavior at home?
Has he mentioned any of this to you?
Do you have any insight?
These questions put you in the position of asking the parent for advice - which is appropriate. After all, they are the expert on their child and mine is a supporting role. I find asking for advice also helps lower any perceived power distance and expresses that I want to partner with the parent to problem solve.
Give the parent a chance to respond. Listen and don’t interrupt.
This part is scary, because you never know what response you’re going to get. It could range from a disinterested, “Ok, I’ll talk to him” to a productive conversation to an outright verbal assault. Here’s how I handle each of these situations
If the parent response is neutral or dismissive, briefly mention what you’d like from the student and end the call.
“OK, thank you. Please remind Billy that our classroom rules include not talking across tables and working only on French. Have a great evening.”
If the parent response is collaborative, enter into a conversation about how to help the student.
Sometimes the parent is frustrated with the child and doesn’t know what to do. Sometimes the parent is embarrassed. Sometimes the parent has questions about the classroom or shares information you weren’t aware of. The key here is to listen non-defensively, answer the parent’s questions, and be open to something you haven’t thought of.
Focus on hope, solutions, and a path forward.
“Be specific about the behavior you want but aren’t seeing. This is actionable. Fixing a teenager’s attitude or broad generalities about behavior are not.”
“Moving forward, I want to see Billy listen attentively and not talk while I’m teaching. I think this will help him get better grades, as well as helping his classmates not be distracted. I also want to be sure he’s working on French and not playing video games during class. I’m going to move him to a table by himself for the next few days, and then we’ll move back to a table with a partner. Could you encourage him to finish his missing work? He can complete it for 90% credit, which would really help his grade.”
If possible, tell the parent what you’re going to do and a rationale for why. This conversation can be helpful the next day; if Billy complains about moving seats, you can mention “I talked to your mom yesterday and we agreed it would be less distracting for you to sit over here. We’ll try it for a few days and then maybe you can move back.” Chances are, however, it won’t come up; Billy may have already received marching orders from home… which makes your job easier.
If the parent is rude, aggressive, or abusive, politely but firmly end the conversation.
You aren’t paid to take abuse, nor do you have to. As soon as you are able, state firmly and unemotionally, “Ma’am, I wanted to let you know what’s been happening in class, and I appreciate your time. You have a good evening.” and hang up. Maintain your professionalism and document the call.
Regardless of how the call goes, there’s a few steps you should take once you’ve finished talking
Document everything.
Keep a running spreadsheet with the date, child’s name, who you spoke with, and a quick summary of the call. If you called multiple numbers or left a message, document this as well.
Follow up with a positive call, if possible
I try to always follow up after a week or 10 days. This is especially true if I notice improvement from the child. As soon as the parent picks up the phone, identify yourself and say, “I’m calling you with good news today!” to immediately put the parent at ease. Share specific areas where you’ve seen improvement. This practice is helpful in building relationships and seems only fair. After all, who wants to only hear bad news?
Recognize what you can control… and what you can’t
You cannot force anyone to agree with you or to work with you. If a parent call doesn’t turn out as you’d hoped, let it go. It’s your job to share your best professional judgment with parents for the good of their child. Ultimately, they will have to live with their child a lot longer than you will.
Calling parents is part of our job and goes a long way toward improving student outcomes. Next week I’ll share a few more helpful practices related to parent communication. In the mean time, share your experience with phoning parents in the comments. And remember to sign up for our newsletter to receive practical world-language instructional content right to your inbox!
