Greetings and Gestures in the Republic of Congo
Community is at the center of life in Congo. Westerners thrive when they slow down and enjoy the relationships!
There is a Congolese proverb, “No matter how long a log stays in the water, it will never be a crocodile.” My American friend Greg, a 15 year veteran in our non-profit organization, laughed when I shared this proverb. He told me, “That’s true… but the log can learn to love the water… and it will look more and more like a crocodile the longer it stays there!”
Greg had the habit of taking a mid-morning break, strolling across the road, and joining the group of men sitting on Pa Sebastian’s porch. At most any hour, day or night, Congolese men were gathered at Pa Sebastian’s, sharing kola nuts, discussing neighborhood news, and listening to scratchy music on a lunchbox-sized transistor radio. All the pressing paperwork and demands of his American work ethic faded away as Greg quietly marinated in the camaraderie of his Congolese friends, who warmly accepted Greg as a member of their community. The secret of his success? He’d learned to slow down, focus on relationships, and enjoy time together for its own sake.
“No matter how long a log stays in the water, it will never be a crocodile.”
Did You Know?
There are actually two countries known as “Congo”. The Democratic Republic of Congo is one of the largest countries in Africa. It is sometimes referred to by the acronym “DRC” or along with the name of its capital city, “Congo-Kinshasha”. Across the river lies the Republic of Congo, which can be called “RCA” or “Congo-Brazzaville” after its capital. The mighty Congo river separates the two countries and their capital cities which are easily in view of each other. However, there is no bridge between Brazzaville and Kinshasha, and very few bridge crossing across the Congo River at all! The width, depth and dangerous current make this river unnavigable and a bridge between the two Congos remains in the planning stage.
While the two Congos share many cultural traits, this blog is focused on the westernmost country, the Republic of Congo (Congo-Brazzaville).
Greeting is a Big Deal!
Life in Congo is very relational. Congolese believe and internalize that “it takes a village” - not just to raise a child, but to support, connect with, and nurture their communities. Congolese value knowing each other deeply, and this desire for connection is reflected in every aspect of life from shopping to eating to work. When visiting Congo, westerners thrive when they curb their desire for efficiency, slow down, and enjoy the laid back pace.
In Congo it is important to greet each person in a group by name and with a physical gesture. You can choose from a handshake or “La Bise” (kisses on the cheek). Men in Congo may greet by gently touching their foreheads and the temples of their heads together, first on the right, then on the left.
Traditional "forehead touching" greeting between friends in Congo
When entering a room, always greet each person by name. This is true both in social situations and in community activities such as approaching a vendor or entering a taxi. If you don’t know the person’s name, you can simply say “Bonjour, Madame” or “Monsieur”.
It’s personal!
Asking personal questions is an important part of daily interactions in Congo. When shopping or conducting business, ask not only “How are you?” but also “How is your family? How are your children? Your mother? Your cousins? Most Congolese will be eager to share details about family events such as weddings, new babies, educational accomplishments, and other celebrations. As you return to the same shop or business, it is polite to remember and inquire about these details with questions such as, “Is your cousin feeling better? Did your uncle find a new job?” Be ready and willing to share personal information about yourself as well. Congolese value this warm exchange of information; indeed, this is considered equally or more important than the business transaction that westerners may be more focused on.
Rude and Aggressive?
Eye contact in Congo is considered somewhat aggressive, so in friendly situations, glance fleetingly at others and look away or look down. This is especially true when speaking to someone older than you or between genders. Children will usually look down when speaking to adults. This is a way of showing politeness and respect for the older person’s status.
In Congo, it is considered rude to directly answer ‘no’ to a question. For example, if a vendor asks you to buy their product, an indirect answer such as, “Not today” or “I didn’t bring money for that” is more socially acceptable than a direct, “no”.
Congolese do not point with their index finger. Instead, they reach out their arm, palm down, and wave their fingers toward the ground. This gesture means “come here”. To indicate something, point with your entire open hand.
What to Wear
The Congolese value a neat appearance, and their clothing choice communicates respect for the people they are with. In social situations such as visiting a home, religious service, or celebration, choose a dressy outfit with nice shoes. The same goes for business settings, where it is common to see Congolese in a suit and tie or business skirt with a jacket. Casual clothes such as shorts, t-shirts, sneakers, and flip flops should only be worn for physical labor (such as working in a garden) or for playing sports. Congolese women always wear skirts or dresses and visiting western women should do the same. While a western woman can ‘get away’ with wearing pants, it’s really not culturally appropriate.
Congolese women always wear dresses or skirts. Western women visiting Congo should do the same.
A brightly patterned shirt paired with slacks or jeans is a favorite outfit for men.
The traditional clothing for men is a loose fitting robe or a brightly colored shirt which can be worn with matching pants, dress pants, or even blue jeans. Women traditionally wear a bright patterned robe with a matching headscarf. Westerners are welcome to adopt these styles in Congo; in fact, the Congolese appreciate seeing westerners in traditional dress.
In a business setting, go formal. Suits, ties, and business skirts are appropriate. Be sure your outfit includes dressy shoes!
Take Your Time!
Congolese tend to enjoy life at a slower pace than most westerners. Take time to enjoy the process of exchanging warm greetings each time you meet a friend in Congo! You may just be a log in the river, but with time and patience, you can enjoy the river as much as a crocodile!
