Greetings and Gestures in France

“Avoiding a few key faux pas can help you better connect with French people and enjoy your travels.”

In 2016, then US Secretary of State John Kerry visited France. He met with French president François Hollande to show America’s solidarity with the French following a very sad and shocking terrorist attack.  

Evidently, no one briefed Kerry on the appropriate way to greet a French person, resulting in this cringeworthy moment:

Watch it again. Kerry, wanting to show close friendship and comfort, attempts to give Hollande a big hug. You can see the exact moment when Hollande thinks “Aaaarugh! He’s hugging me! How can I save this? I know! I’ll go in for a kiss!”  Kerry, having never kissed another man before, reacts by awkwardly clasping Hollande’s hands. The moment went viral and was widely ridiculed on social media. 

It’s too bad Kerry didn’t read this blog post!  

“Different views of restaurant service are at the heart of a lot of misconceptions between the French and Americans”

Let’s take a look at some common greetings and gestures around the French speaking world so you never make a similar awkward mistake. And, feel free to share this link with your elected officials! 

To “Bise” or Not to “Bise”? 

Of course, France is famous for ‘la bise’; kisses on alternating cheeks. This greeting feels awkward to Americans, but it’s quite ordinary in France and, in fact, feels less intrusive to French people than a hug.  

There’s a lot of variety in how ‘la bise’ is done; the number of kisses and which cheek to start on varies by region and by individual. Don’t worry too much though; you can just follow your friend’s lead and if one of you goes in for an extra kiss, no worries!

Here’s comedian Paul Taylor describing “La Bise” from a British perspective! (Thanks to Brittany Probst for sharing this version which was edited for educational use)  

So what if, like Paul, you hate the idea of your face touching another person’s face? A great alternative is a handshake. Hold out your hand as you approach your friend. I promise, they won’t be offended. Your French friends understand that you’re from another culture and may be uncomfortable with ‘la bise’. A handshake is a totally acceptable alternative.

Cultural Faux Pas: What NOT to Do In France

‘In addition to using ‘la bise’ or a handshake, be sure to avoid these mistakes when you visit France.

• Hugs. Some Americans hug a lot. In France, not so much. Most French people are as uncomfortable with hugging as Americans are with ‘la bise’.  You can find exceptions, of course, but this is generally a greeting to steer clear of.

• Not greeting everyone. When you enter a room or a small group of friends, you should greet each person individually, including a physical gesture like la bise or a handshake. Speaking to only one person or giving a general greeting to the entire group is rude. The same is true when you leave a group; it’s important to say goodbye with a physical gesture to each person as you go.

• Not greeting shopkeepers. Upon entering a shop, it’s important to greet the employee with a pleasant “Bonjour, madame.”  “Bonjour monsieur.” (no physical gesture is necessary in this situation). 

What to Wear

The French tend to dress more formally than Americans. Resist the urge to run out for morning coffee in your sweat pants and hoodie; the French will usually wear slacks, dress shoes, and a blouse or button-down shirt for any public appearance. Scarves are very popular for both men and women and help you fit in. Younger French people may dress more casually than their parents, but looking well put together is more culturally important in France than in the US, and it’s worth putting some attention and thought into your clothing.

Restaurant Etiquette = a Huge Clash of Cultures!

In America, “The customer is always right”. Americans tend to value speed and efficiency in customer service environments. French service personnel may take a more laid back approach. In restaurants, for example, French people typically take a long time (think 90 minutes plus) enjoying their meal, so the servers do not keep coming around to check on them, the food takes longer to come out, and everything operates at a much slower pace than in the US. Customers must ask for the check; the server will not automatically bring it. (L'addition, s'il vous plaît). 

Furthermore, the French believe the chef knows how to prepare the food correctly, and it is not culturally appropriate to ask for condiments to 'customize' your meal. When Americans go into a restaurant ideas of 'do it my way', and very fast efficient service... they can come across as very demanding without meaning to. The French servers tend not to receive this well and react by withdrawing, which Americans can interpret as rude. I'm convinced this different view of restaurant service is at the heart of a lot of misconceptions between the French and Americans, as tourists almost always eat in restaurants and almost never know about the cultural differences!  

“Looking well put together is more culturally important in France than in the US, and it’s worth putting some attention and thought into your clothing.”

Understanding these faux pas can help you better connect with French people and enjoy your travels. Bon voyage!