Keeping Your Sanity when your Students Won’t Behave (Part 4)
Working with difficult students requires us to model what we want our students to become: Calm. Confident. Knowledgeable. Caring. Unflappable. Here’s how.
Take a moment to watch this classic, bad example of classroom management.
So, obviously this is a joke. But since I’m obsessed with analyzing instructional practices, let’s count this teacher’s errors!
Unstated expectations. The students must guess what the teacher wants from them.
Vague, unactionable threats. “I’ve got my eye on you!” “Don’t even think about messing with me!” “You better check yourself.” This might serve to intimidate compliant students, but the first time a student challenges the teacher with, “What are you gonna do?” the entire house of cards collapses.
Unpredictable consequences. One student gets carped at, another is threatened, and a third is sent to the office. What do you think the administrator is going to say? That kid will be back in class in 5 minutes, possibly with a snack.
No concern for the students as human beings. This teacher is sarcastic and completely focused on clamping down any perceived challenges to his authority. At best this will lead to resentment and at worst, outright rebellion.
To read about how to avoid these pitfalls (particularly with a challenging class) read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of this blog series.
Part 1: How to structure your classroom and effective rules
Part 2: Predictable consequences and firm, calm follow-through
Part 3: Helpful Classroom Practices
Each of these components is important, but it’s still incredibly tough to maintain classroom standards with defiant students. I’ve seen very strong teachers be worn down by the daily grind. Worse, working with difficult students can bring out our own flaws: impatience, sarcasm, aggression and even bitterness.
So, how do we protect ourselves? My last several suggestions are more personal.
18 things to try when your class is awful (#12-18)
Suggestion #12 Draw emotional boundaries, and recognize it’s not about you
The kids who come into your class and behave outrageously have a long history of non-compliance with dozens or hundreds of adults in their lives.
There are a lot of reasons for this, including their family expectations, biological factors, and societal issues. You’re not in control of most of them. So I want you to learn this mantra and repeat it often.
Don’t take it personally.
“Teaching is important to society, but don’t forget - it’s also important to the individual kids we teach.”
I know that’s tough. But when the kids burst into laughter when you make a mistake…don’t take it personally. When they call you names or cuss at you… don’t take it personally. When they roll their eyes, sigh, and mutter under their breath… don’t take it personally. And when you work hard on a lesson and they totally reject or destroy it… don’t take it personally.
They are teenagers. There are a thousand reasons they may be behaving this way. It’s not about you.
On your drive home, intentionally let it go. In the evenings, emotionally disengage from school. Find joy in other aspects of your life. Difficult students don’t define you.
Suggestion #13 Get some exercise.
I am not an athletic person. But when I’m stressed about school, the best thing I can do is go for a walk. Those physiological benefits of movement I mentioned in Part 3? They apply to us adults as well. Get some blood pumping and some endorphins flowing. It will help your frame of mind.
Suggestion #14 Dress Professionally
Be honest. Which teacher commands more respect?
There’s actually a fair bit of research supporting a correlation between teacher attire and student behavior and achievement. (see this study and this study, for example).
I’ve heard the argument that wearing casual clothes helps kids be more comfortable. But when you’re teaching a difficult class, the problem is that the kids are too comfortable.
This is not a magic fix, of course, but it’s also a fairly easy step to take. Business casual dress sends a message that “I take this seriously, and you should too”.
Suggestion #15 Find Supportive Colleagues
Develop a support system of sympathetic, committed colleagues. Share your frustrations, and let them encourage you.
Don’t wallow in misery or let yourself become bitter. Don’t listen to negativity about ‘kids these days’. You want colleagues who make you better, who help you look for the positives, brainstorm solutions, and steel your resolve. They’re out there, and you can help each other out.
Supportive colleagues are your BEST protection against burnout.
Suggestion #16 Don’t Leave Education
What we’re doing is tremendously important. It’s important to society, but don’t forget - it’s also important to the individual kids we teach. If your current school situation is grinding you down, it might be time to look for another school or another level. But don’t quit. Too much is riding on you being here.
Suggestion #17 Learn from the Greats
For further reading, I’d like to share two resources that have tremendously shaped my own classroom management plan. The first is a classic - “The First Days of School” by Harry Wong. Read it. Learn it. Live it.
The second resource is the “Smart Classroom Management” blog by Michael Linsin. While I don’t always agree with every aspect of Linsin’s writing, his blog has helped frame my thinking since moving to a challenging teaching environment.
Suggestion #18 Redefine Success
Forget those inspirational teacher movies you watched in your ed program. The reality is, some classes will leave you shaken and deeply questioning yourself.
Success in these situations may be mundane. It may mean you helped one student improve. It may mean you protected the learning of a handful of kids. It may mean you survived with your passion for teaching intact.
It may mean a kid you thought hated everything about your class sees you in the hallway and greets you excitedly with a high five or a hug.
Connecting with students is our first and most important job.
And let me encourage you. Those successes are not little. Think of it - you were handed a group of belligerent, needy, academically failing teenagers. Where else in society is anyone asked to do such a thing, with so few tools?
It’s an opportunity to soar.
In the face of impossible odds, you have the opportunity to maintain structure and routine. You may manage to teach some content. You, perhaps, will develop emotional bonds with some of these kids.
Perhaps most importantly, you have the opportunity to model self control and perseverance in challenging circumstances.
Make no mistake; the kids will recognize it. And in you, they may see a model of what they themselves need to become.
Calm. Confident. Knowledgeable. Caring. Unflappable.
Hang in there, dear colleague. You can do this.
How about you? What helped you survive your most awful class? Share in the comments!
